Where's my happy ending?

I watched the last episode of Sex and the City tonight. I burst into tears when I saw Big and Carrie met agian at the hotel in Paris after Carrie had a big fight with her Russian boyfriend.

My tears somehow found their way and flew down my cheeks. When Carrie phoned Miranda and told her she's always wondering what would it be like if Big's there with her in Paris. I got the same feeling. Whenever I am alone in a place I've been to with J, I am always thinking what would it be like if we visit the place together again.

I knew I'm stupid. I knew I shouldn't let you, my friends, worried about me. But Love is so complicated. I don't even know the reason. I don't even know how could he tell me he'll never let me be alone but he is not with me now.

I know friends will say "He is a jerk." "It's time that you dumped him." or "It's time for you to move on." I know and I'm trying hard. Believe me, I'm trying hard. It's just never easy for me.

The past always hunts me down. I'm trying hard and I just wish I could have my happy ending just like each character in Sex and the City had.

I cried hard and loud alone.

It was Christmas night. I cried hard and loud alone at CKS memorial Hall. I don't want to be alone but it seemed that I have to be alone no matter when or where. I can't all new friends because I don't want them to know that I was hurt badly and still so stupid that I hurt myself over the same person again and again.

I cried hard alone. I couldn't help so I phoned Liny. He came to keep me accompany. As soon as I saw him, I laughed. Because he's all dressed up in a very ㄔㄨㄚway. He looked handsome and I'm happy for him.

I don't know about myslef. I seem to be strong and happy to be all alone. But in fact, I just can't bear it. To me, it seems like a dream never ends. I'm lost in a forest where is full of ghoasts from past. I really don't know. I tried hard but in vain.

I got letters from listeners saying that I made their days. Whenever they listen to me, they feel happy from inside and the spirits I gave them is incrediable. To sum up, I cheer people up. But how about myself?

How about myself?

誠徵男友.......無誠勿試

BOYFRIEND WANTED! NO JERK IS ALLOWED.

I am looking for a boyfriend.
徵求男朋友喔!!

Anyone who's interested, please send me your resume.
意者請寄履歷!

1. Degree required: BA or Above
學士或以上
2. Second Language: English or any other foreign language.
英語或任一外語
3. Personality: Easygoing, Kind, outgoing, possitive.
隨和 開朗 善良 積極
4. Appearance: It really depends on Feeling. Can't tell now.
感覺對了..就對了

你是我前世的知己

I overheard this song when I was preparing for my syntax exam at midnight. I found my eyes were wet and somehow it answered a question inside me for long.

你一定是我前世的知己
要不然你不會知道我真想放棄你
你不會在我對你失望的時候
又在我身旁守侯

你一定是我前世的知己
要不然你不會不怕我的絕望傷心
嘲笑我有你溫柔的眼睛
你一定是/你一定是我
前世的知己

我一定是 告訴了你
我懼怕如何的悲劇
你一定是 早已知道
我們的結局
於是你有百般的柔情 我用淚水
鎖住了這個令人心碎擔憂無奈的秘密

Do you understand?

You keep me hanging on.

Is this part of a song? You keep me hanging on....

I'm down recently. I'm interested in nothing. Everything now for me is just dull. I'm dull so the world is boring. I know there's no one to blame for but only myself. I want to talk but I also don't want to talk.

It seems no one can keep me hanging on. I can't hold myself together. This is how I feel recently. Honestly, I don't like myself for being so negative lately. But I just can't!

Bridget Jones II.

Should everyone have a second chance??? As a 27 year-old woman, I can't remember how many second chance I had given to my ex. And I still ended up with a broken heart. So..... in this case, shall we give people like Daniel a second chance?
Hahahha....you'd better not!! I'm telling you...no KIDDING.

Well...after I finished watching the movie, there's one thing popped into my head. Will I be like Bridget when I get to her age. The answer is "Physically, concerning the fat part, I might be!"

Will I get two handsome men, one rigid and the other playful, to fight for me? Nah... the possibility is way to small. Even though I consider myself a not bad looking, probably quite lovely, (hahahah) I still don't see the possibility. Sad..ehe?

Luckily, I have friends though they can not always be with me to share the good and bad moments. But it's better than none. Last weekend, I went out with two of my best friends. We went out of Taipei by train. Though I was sick yet we had a great time. I'd upload some photos up here to share with you later.

Um...... Bridget Jones! Why and How can she get two men at almost same time?? Hey...my sister said it's because she's great in ....you know what she meant if you had seen the movie.

Genie alone at the awards.
Lonely Planet

Genie with friends at Golden Bell Awards.
Lonely Planet

How bad can your day be??

How bad can your day be?

I'm not well. Mentally and physically.

This weekend is the worst one I've had this year. Hopefully I'll never have another one again. Saturday morning, I had a bad dream. It was about me being raped by a cab driver. Bad.... Bad.... really bad.

I woke up and prepared for school. It was down pouring. So I decided to take a cab. I got to my class on time and found my mobile wasn't in my bag. I thought I might leave it home. So I phoned home. Bad thing was, my sister said it wasn't home. Then I started feeling panic and anxious. I phoned my mobile, my sister phoned, my friends phoned. Okay.............. no sound nearby.........no one answered. I knew, my mobile was gone. Gone to someone's pocket or bag.

I was so mad about myself. How could I be so careless. Actually I didn't even know where I lost it. I woke up, packed for school, hopped in cab, went into classroom......then... My mobile disappeared. It must had been slipped from my bag while I took out my walet to pay for cab fare.

So.......it was about 10 thousand and something gone. I only bought it 4 months ago. It was new. But now it becomes someone's new phone.

My sister gave me a hair pin to comfort my loss. When I was on my way to studio. It slipped from my hair and went into the gutter.

Was this enough for my weekend? No....... Sunday, I went to my course as usual though feeling upset still. I bought a cup of coffee and found a big ant in it. Upset again so I decided to return it to the shop and asked for a new one. While I was walking and nearly got there. The ant was gone. So I ended up throwing it to rubbish bin.

My bad weekend. Anyone wants to share any bad luck from me? I wondered!

Stressed out! Worn out. Me.

Feeling full and empty.

Does contradiction bring confusion?

My life has been busy for months. I'm doing three things at a time and all of them require undived attention while doing it. I know it's out of personal choices, I can choose only do one thing at a time. However, I don't even know why but somehow I just need to deal with them. My job, my interest and my career. Is there a balance among those things?

I need time to think what I really want and need. I need time to rest and do nothing. I think I need time alone. But somewhat I never have the chance. I'm always with people no matter welcomed or unwelcomed ones. Students, classmates, parents and myself. I don't even want to be with myself. I feel sad when I'm alone. I can't help myself when the tears falling down my cheek.

I don't want to do the things I'm doing now. I don't want to come to school. I just want to be free and out of this place, this city and country. I think probably everyone is like this. When you're in a place for too long, so long that you can't think. There we will need to escape.

My best friend is getting married and she will move to south. Ever since she's got a boyfriend, we seldom get together and chat. I guess girls are like this. I don't blame her for I knew it's a common thing. I would be worried if she were like this.

I'm feeling lonely but I do need to be alone. I don't know what's wrong with me? Gosh... what's wrong with me. I'm feeling like I'm dying.