Feeling full and empty.

Does contradiction bring confusion?

My life has been busy for months. I'm doing three things at a time and all of them require undived attention while doing it. I know it's out of personal choices, I can choose only do one thing at a time. However, I don't even know why but somehow I just need to deal with them. My job, my interest and my career. Is there a balance among those things?

I need time to think what I really want and need. I need time to rest and do nothing. I think I need time alone. But somewhat I never have the chance. I'm always with people no matter welcomed or unwelcomed ones. Students, classmates, parents and myself. I don't even want to be with myself. I feel sad when I'm alone. I can't help myself when the tears falling down my cheek.

I don't want to do the things I'm doing now. I don't want to come to school. I just want to be free and out of this place, this city and country. I think probably everyone is like this. When you're in a place for too long, so long that you can't think. There we will need to escape.

My best friend is getting married and she will move to south. Ever since she's got a boyfriend, we seldom get together and chat. I guess girls are like this. I don't blame her for I knew it's a common thing. I would be worried if she were like this.

I'm feeling lonely but I do need to be alone. I don't know what's wrong with me? Gosh... what's wrong with me. I'm feeling like I'm dying.