Trying to be honest and rational.

It's never easy to be honest to yourself and also friends. As time went by, it has been some 7 years with my ex. We were and are always in complicated situation. It's both of us, none of us can be strong enough to really stick with the idea of not seeing each other anymore.

Always me saying "We should stop seeing each other.", and it's always him saying "Why do you have to be like this? Is this necessary? Is this really better?" So...... we end up holding each other tight and crying sometimes.Then it's always me accepting his invitation for dinner or other plans.

Like now I'm trying to be honest with myself as I tried last night to my freinds. I knew rationally I shouldn't have anything to do with my ex anymore. But deeply in my heart, the emotional part, there's something we both can't deny.

We still have feelings of each other. But we just can't make it right. He's full of uncertainty and will never take me only as his best freiend. He always wants some more. Something more than a friend. Like we are now.

Following the feelings, I will get hurt. Forcing myself to be rational is the way. The way I should have chosen and put into practice. Me, 27 year-old, charming and successful in a way.

Me, getting serious thoughts of my life. Trying to undersatnd myself and feelings inside. My ex, 30 year-old. Full of uncertainty.