Where's my happy ending?

I watched the last episode of Sex and the City tonight. I burst into tears when I saw Big and Carrie met agian at the hotel in Paris after Carrie had a big fight with her Russian boyfriend.

My tears somehow found their way and flew down my cheeks. When Carrie phoned Miranda and told her she's always wondering what would it be like if Big's there with her in Paris. I got the same feeling. Whenever I am alone in a place I've been to with J, I am always thinking what would it be like if we visit the place together again.

I knew I'm stupid. I knew I shouldn't let you, my friends, worried about me. But Love is so complicated. I don't even know the reason. I don't even know how could he tell me he'll never let me be alone but he is not with me now.

I know friends will say "He is a jerk." "It's time that you dumped him." or "It's time for you to move on." I know and I'm trying hard. Believe me, I'm trying hard. It's just never easy for me.

The past always hunts me down. I'm trying hard and I just wish I could have my happy ending just like each character in Sex and the City had.