New Offer and New Option ...


Starting from Saturday, I came to relaize that how my life can be more different than others. I was in the principle's office with Dean and another teacher. I can't remember exactly what we were talking about, then the Sister suddendly said "Would you consider being a nun?"

I was so shocked. How can I be a nun? Can you imagine me being a nun and in a nun outfit? Come on ... not to mention that I am not even a Catholic! It's so funny that I don't know if it's something that I've done that makes the Sister feel that I am a good candidate.

Anyway, when the Dean said Genie will be a really strange nun and never fit in. You know what the principle replied? She said, "It's fine and not necessary a bad thing." The Sister even said, "We are changing our outfit."

My... I don't know that the Catholic church is so desperate for new nuns! They change rules! Haha..Oh, or is that only because the Sister was just trying to convince me of being a nun?

How can my life be different? Be a nun and I won't need to deal with all those stupid questions raised and the pressures I am under. Haha... sounds very excited, doesn't it?

我懷疑自己病了．是不是該看心理醫生？這一陣子，我開始懷疑自己的信念．　

正式滿三十歲那天，在英國，一切都很清楚．我是一個自信滿滿的現代女性．

現在，心情卻像照片中梁朝偉一樣，抽根煙，抽個煙霧瀰漫....抽個心事重重的感覺．

工作壓力，我可以克服．我相信自己有能力克服．而面對人生的壓力，我就不知道我的堅持和勇氣還能撐多久？感覺自己節節敗退....

我從不諱言，我已經年過三十．那不是件丟臉的事情．我還沒有找到一位心靈契合的伴侶，也是事實．我不著急，但是身邊的人都急了．不要指責我在尋找不切實際的感覺，不要告訴我，愛情是不可靠的．不要告訴我，因為年紀，我必須遷就男人．我想飆髒話....

我重視感覺．當我見到一個心儀的男人，心應該會有特殊的感覺．小鹿亂撞....這是古老的成語，但卻真實呈現，那種深受一個人吸引的感覺．會想要多花時間跟他在一起，會想要多了解他，會想要對他好，就是這樣的感覺．

從那年開始，我沒了這樣的感覺．幾年來，面對追求者，我沒有這樣的感覺．我是不是病了？或者，我依然沒有拋開過去．我不知道，或許，一切都是或許....

每當我以為，就這樣了吧．那個人突然又出現了．很多的巧合，讓我覺得，是否...是否命定的就是那個人？亦或是，他與我之間竟是一段永遠理不清的緣分，誰能告訴我，這一切，是不是因為，我太在乎感覺？

或許，我該堅持到底．對一個沒有感覺的人，就不該多花時間去培養啥撈什子感情了！因為，再怎麼培養，感覺不對，就是無法相處一輩子吧．還是，我應該去看心理醫生？真的是我的問題嗎？煩..........

老天爺.....您看我這麼不順眼嗎？不要再捉弄我了...我只是一個膚淺的女人．

不好笑但硬是要寫...

最近，沒有什麼好笑的事情可以跟大家分享．
除了昨天被妹妹譏笑...."你挑男人的 range 真的很寬."　之外，沒有好笑的事情了．

身為一個現代的女性，我的學經歷是我的詛咒．英國回來的碩士，沒見面，就已經喪失一堆機會了，因為對方認為自己只是大學畢業，覺得自己配不上我．我都沒說不想認識這些男生，她們就不想認識我了．我的經歷比一般人多了一點點，所以，對自己沒自信的男生，大概也不想認識我．

我生氣了喔．．．．

基本上，我覺得很煩．我的工作跟經歷都是自己努力與上天給的機會，我把握了．因為我不想延遲生命中的我希冀的喜悅與成就．我不是附庸風雅，愛看音樂劇，愛看戲劇，愛看非主流電影，那是因為我真的喜歡呀！我愛旅遊跟學習，那是我獲得生命養分與動力的方法，我不想每天都說，等我先......再去旅行，人生的順序每個人都不同，我尊重想先存錢買車子或房子的人，但是也請大家尊重我想旅行的心．

沒有養分，我的生命是不豐富的．沒有動力，我就沒有人生可言．如果拿掉這些，我就不是我了．

Photo and Man ...

This is actually my favourite photo. I love it so much that I'll want to use it on my funeral. People who have heard me saying this feel odd and they always say, "Don't say this, Genie. It's not right to think of death at your age."

Recently I felt that I've changed. I've got some more physical confidence in myslef. Why? I am not so sure. Maybe that's becasue I am getting old. Haha...

Oh.. and about MEN. I've been introduced to a couple of men. I have no feeling for most of them. Maybe I am as shallow as most people and deep down I want a smart and good looking man to be my future husband. I think I look all right and I do deserve a man who looks decent. Haha..Am I buying a house or something? But ... it's human nature. No one will want to be with a man who you don't feel like feeling his face or arms. Gosh.... I am shallow.

I've been trying to lose some weight since last week. One of my male friends told me through MSN chatting that what he thinks of me. He said, "Genie, seriously, I think you're a very charming woman. You don't need to lose weight. You've got these beautiful eyes and believe me if I had known you 7 or 8 years ago when I wasn't married.... You are my type. "

It's a bit odd but very encouraging. Haha... I think I can use a bit of good words and those compliments. Haha... Shallow! I am really shallow. And I met up with my female friend and her husband last night. She said, Genie, I think you are a very charming person. I like it better when you are chubby. Haha... I am encourgaed to eat more!

Haha.... Well, to sum up, I am not sure if I need a man. I am not sure if I want to be in marriage. I am not sure if my students like me and I am not sure if they are studying hard. So, this is life.. and I don't really know...

我最喜歡的照片，是將來喪禮上要用的！朋友總會說我不該講這種事情，覺得我想太多，但是，原本就要先想好呀，不然到時候我死了，被其他人隨便拿一張我最討厭的大頭照當遺照，放在靈堂怎麼辦？到時候又不能從棺材裡跳出來自己換上．呵呵．．．

挺膚淺的！最近整個人膚淺了起來．男人的事情，我不懂！我只知道，沒有感覺，男人再怎麼樣愛我，喜歡我都是沒用的．心情有點怪，整個人怪了起來，想著你，想著過往，或許，我也真的膚淺了起來！或許我必須承認 Takeshi 說的，Men and Women are all about sex drive and physical attraction. ...