Me and me!

I've always loved Sex and the City. Whenever I see it on TV, I have to watch it. It doesn't matter it's an old episode or a new one. I just have to watch it.

Me, Genie, is more like Charlotte. A woman who's always dreaming of her Mr. Right and believe that fairy tale does exist. I'm dreaming of a brave and charming Prince coming all the way to present me his love and protect me for the rest of my life. It seems that I haven't thought too much of "the rest of my life" in this case. hahha... a girl who only thinks of living together with her Prince but never think of the real day-to-day life.

However, in reality, I'm more like Carrie. Not saying the part of her sex life but the other part of her love life with Big. Big and Carrie turned out to be a happy ending while from my side I knew it's not going to be like that. Though my Mr.Big has said something about taking care of me and never will let me be alone sort of thing. But.....I just can't stop wondering what my future will be like.

Feeling the uncertainty. Feeling the stress.

Are you close to GOD?

I am tired and feeling down lately. A friend who has no belife in religion like me sent me an article he read in a forwarded message to me. It was about a man and his relation with God.

The general idea is that "No matter where you are, God's always with you and he's always there when needed."

Ha..ha... the funny thing is I have been in Catholic school for about 8 years in total. I never felt that I am close to God. I don't know why. Maybe it's my own problem and I shouldn't blame God for not being helpful when I need strength to hang on. And of course I shouldn't blame him when I feel so lonely and want to end my own life.

I think it's my own fault. I always want to find someone to lean on, to share my sorrow, my happiness and every thing in my life. However, it's not possible to find someone who will be always besides me. So, the thing is what do I want?

God above, I feel shame on myself. I knew I have problem but I can't tell. Will you be able to give me the strength I need?

Reply from God "Yes, my lost child if you truely believe in me and you shall find the strength."

um....... are you close with God? Am I close enough?

Why would people do this?

我今天去吃飯，把雨傘放在餐廳的傘桶，吃完飯時，
我的雨傘被拿走了....

那是我最心愛的雨傘!! 我已經用了4年了...
好討厭喔.......>__<

You don't bring me flowers.

You don't bring me flowers, you don't sing me love songs
You hardly talk to me anymore,
When I come to the door at the end of the day
I remember when you couldn't wait to love me
You used to hate to leave me

Then I forgot what the lyrics are. It's a song by Barbra Streisand and Frank Sinatra. I don't know why the song came up to my mind tonight at this moment. The school just started but I'm already thinking of the next coming holiday.

It seems I can never get over with what's in my mind. There's never a moment I'm not thinking of my own problem. My problem is that I'm afriad of facing the deepest fear on my mind. I can never talk about it and I dare not think of it. However, it is inside me and I do see it all the time.

Sad but I'm trying to to be positive.

Chinese New Year with lots of books!

I came back from my short trip. It was nice and relaxing. I wish I could stay longer there.

Chinese New Year is a long break from school. I had nothing done except for finish reading a novel named "Da Vinci Code". It was great fun to read and it made me think of all the paintings I've seen in Uffizi. Aftre reading thta, I think most of the people will want to have a look at the Luve.

I'm also reading BJ's diary. I bought the first and the second one. It was also interesting, as a woman turning 30 in 2 years, it kind of prepares me for the lonely days ahead. Hahah.... If I were famous, all the diaries I've kept since I was 10 could be big sellers!! Hahaha....

Well, as a good habit, I always send post cards to myself wherever I go. I write down the feelig I had at that moment. I believe they will be a great reminder of my life. If I would ever become famous, I would have them published! And of couse, one of the main themes would be a "heart breaking but long lasting weird relation between me and my ex." Hahhahaha....... >__< We actually started callin each other ex-wife and ex-husband. That's how we feel about each other. So weird!

龞腳演員的獨角戲

最近身體不太安好....以為自己很強壯ㄌㄟ..結果也只是虛有其表 "大摳好看頭"(台語喔)!!

如果意外死亡跟生病死亡..哪一個好呢? 自殺最不好...因為太痛了!!

我覺得自己搞不定自己! 念頭總是轉ㄚ轉的...其實很累! 很多事也不知道該怎麼說怎麼辦..但好像就是..很空.. 好像舞臺上自己在演獨角戲一樣! 但偏偏自己又是個龞腳的演員...你懂嗎?