I wrote a letter to lifeline. I am not sure when I'll get the reply from them but I am sure I felt better after I finished writing my letter.

I sent a message to my friend asking him has he ever been so sad that he didn't know what to do. So... he phoned to make sure and chat with me to keep me accompany.

No one knows when he/she will die. We should cherish our lives but sometimes I'm just so sad and don't know how to deal with it. A friend in need is a friend indeed. I told him my worries and I felt that I am a loser. I knew it's not good to bother him with my own stupid problems but that's what a friend for.

The first time I wanted to kill myself was about a month ago. I was sad and couldn't cry. I was in bed and seriously thinking of getting a pocket knife to end my own live. Suddenly, I got a message in my mobile. That was from one of my friends, he's worry about me and asked me out for dinner.

After reading that, I aborted the idea of killing myself. Then I couldn't stop my tears. I was so ashamed of myself. How could I be so selfish and stupid. I can't just end my live in that way. There are still lots of things I haven't experienced. I need to taste every part of my live before my time's over.

I guess, I am still not strong enough to face the difficulties all by myself. As for how to be a better person, I think it just takes both time and practice. I can't be sure how people will remember me after I died. But I will try my best to be a loving and caring character. I want everyone remembers me as me but not someone's daughter, girlfriend or wife.