The bridges of Madison County. 麥迪遜之橋.

Everything about Robert became so erotic to me...

Francisca told her children of her 4-day love affair with Robert; the photographer visited the town in the summer of 1965, in 3 notebooks.

It was about 10 years ago when I first watched this movie and was so touched by it that I couldn't help crying over it. I loved the way the film was presented; I loved the way that their love was cherished; I loved the way it showed affection with the warmth of a summer breeze and I loved the way a close-up shot of a hand struggling to tell viewers how Francisca must have felt sitting next to her husband seeing Robert in the pouring rain, waiting for her.

Last night, it was shown on TV and I cheerfully watched. I didn't cry as much as I did. It didn't touch me at the same way it moved me 10 years ago. I cried knowing that I will never find a relationship as romantic as that. One can argue it is only in the film that makes it rosy and romantic, however, I do believe that there must be true love in the real world as well in the film. It's just that I have no confidence of finding it.

Even I have once deeply in love and thought I've found the right one. I was only fooling myself by then. I have been angry since the day I had to part that relationship. Over the years, I kept telling myself that I can't and shouldn't be angry since it was my fault to have allowed myself been fooled by the one I loved. I knew he didn't seem to be the right one but when you're in that situation, you just had no way to escape but being trapped inside the labyrinth of your own.

I've always thought that the reason why I am angry was because we've never said a proper goodbye in our on-and-off relationship over the years. Thinking that he did owe me a sincere apology. However, it seems rather ridiculous since I wasn't loved and how would he be held responsible for not arranging a sensible goodbye? Good lord that I do have the courage to admit this though I still feel shamful about myself.

I probably should say sorry but what for? I am angry just because I can't get a sensible sorry from him. But whose fault was it then since it's all too fair in love and war. I shall be a happy grown-up for I am equipped with a heart filled with the warmth of an early summer breeze. I shall smile and look forward to every new experience of life.